Everytime when a relationship ends, I take my time to reflect and learn. I think about the whole process, the roles we played as a couple, and mostly the things that he and I have done that led up to the breakup. If you are not the one that initiates the breakup, breakup sucks. If you are a woman and you are the one that is initiating the breakup, then breakup doesn't suck. In the mist of sadness, I have a tendency to focus on the amount of emotional effort I have to put in to make myself recover. The more emotional effort I need, the "weaker" role I have played in such relationship. But everyone knows that a relationship has to be balanced. The conclusion of me playing the weaker role can only indicate what happened was wrong, and unfair to one of us.
By weaker role, I mean the one that has little influence in the direction that the relationship goes, the one that relies on the other, the one that cries because of unfairness but cannot do anything about it since the other just won't listen. Have you ever been this situation? Well I have. It sucks. It sucks because I consider myself a 21 century woman who has power over my feelings. Then the question comes to: why am I feeling this way? Is it because my significant other is a male chauvinist who do not respect woman? Is it because my significant other don't have feelings? Is it because he just don't care about me and just don't care about this relationship at all? Is it because he just wants me for sex?
I think so.
There is also a tiny chance that I might be just too dependent on him. There is also a even smaller chance that I might be insecure, have low self-esteem, and fearful of him leaving. And why would that be the case? Past experiences? Lack of male role model? Too much negative outlook on life? A lack of understanding in your significant other? Control issues? Or a combination of them? I am like this, but I don't even know where to start to address these issues.
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