When There Was a Clue

In the one-two-three year transition between undergraduate to grad school, often times I think about whether the way I am going is really right for me. Eventually I reach a question of whether my goal of medical school is due to my infatuation of the medical field, my belief of an omni-giving life, or just  my stubbornness.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of speaking about this puzzling topic with my 60-year-old roommate. It took place in a car after we spent two happy hours shopping for groceries. She is a type I diabetic, with chronic back pain, constant acid reflux, and depression. She also went through a cardiac bypass surgery due to her genetically related Wolff-Parkinson syndrome (that's an irregular electrical pulses leading to irregular rhythm in pumping of heart). When she first told me about her medical symptoms, I felt sorry for her. I thought god was so unfair with some people while so lenient with others. It was unfair that she had to experience through so much while I had lived twenty-something years of my life being extremely healthy. Will I only understand the pain and the emotional struggle of likes of her if I was an actual patient? I tried thinking in her shoe, and tried applying those horrible un-curable diseases onto me. I then realized the intensity of hopelessness one could become, followed by the amount of positive thinking one should require to keep on battling those diseases.

My roommate asked me why I was so puzzled about my future. My uncertainty evolved from lack of confidence in academic performance, forming ideal relationships with others, and patience. I asked her that if I were her internist, would she trust me as her doctor. She said yes, perhaps due to her lack of trust in her current internist, perhaps due to our fragile relationships as roommates, or perhaps she really trust me.

As we discuss about these things, it suddenly started to rain. With the presence of sunlight from the other side, it formed a rainbow due to the refraction of light in water droplets. My roommates said to me, maybe god is trying to tell you that everything is going to be okay. Surprisingly, I was more assured than ever.

I also found another rainbow in very faint intensity running in parallel. I have never seen two rainbows in parallel to each other, so I snapped another picture.