Letting go of someone that was once important can sound like a failure. You have to let go and find alternatives when things don't work out. That original moment when you are forced to recognize that reality does not match with fantasy can be shocking, despairing, even suicidal. Your trust and love for the other person is so damaged that you want to actively destroy and erase trust and love once and forever. You are angry with that person, because it was his or her fault for the damages done. You are angry with yourself, for even letting others to ruin you in this way. The negativity bias comes in and magnifies all your feelings, and of course, the lack of love during childhood does not help.
When I'm trying to find ways to start process of letting go, I hesitate and think, as if I'm making a decision that will determine life and death. I keep on finding reasons, excuses, or truth (depending on how one sees it), so that my decision of letting go or not letting go is entirely justified. There are many reasons why we don't want to let go: familiarity, fear, hope for the future. We often think that being in this level of destruction is better than any other alternative. Indeed, I suspect that's how masochism starts.
Perhaps you are over this stage of shock and mourn. Perhaps you want to try, or are ready to move on. But how? Letting go and moving on means that you are willing to accept all consequences. If the ones you love ended up with someone else and completely betrays you, you are okay. If the ones you love comes back to you, you are okay as well. It's easy to question your morals and worth at this point when you are contemplating all your options. It's normal to associate who you are with the next few choices you make, because the feeling is just so strong and overwhelming. Seeking meaning at this stage can set you back and prevent you from letting go. Hope is something good to have, but when you are letting go and moving on, hope can lead to something potentially more dangerous and for a longer period of time.
I believe the actual moving on process is the process of accepting the worse case scenario. My way of dealing this moving on is more destructive, more overwhelming, and more cynical against hope. I tend to want to speed up the process of letting go and have all the pain come at me at once so I can get it over with. I often bombard myself with vivid day dreams of worse case scenarios that might happen to my loved ones that has deeply, profoundly hurt me. I lock myself up in my room. I cry, and let all my emotions go. Once I started the process, I drench myself in the process until I am deprived of all feelings. I put those vivid dreams on replay, until when I no longer feel angry towards it.
Anger is a sign that you still deeply care about someone. Anger is an intense feeling, aroused by injustice that you are a victim of. If you feel angry toward your loved one, it means you have not yet let go. What truly gives you an indication of victory, is disgust, disrespect, and indifference. They are all feelings that repels you from the other person, as if they have some disease that is contagious, and you don't want any of it. Disgust and disrespect comes first, because you have not get forgiven that person. When forgiveness is granted, you reach indifference. By that time, you reach a new born freedom, new power that makes you feel indestructible. By that time, you have suffered a lot, yet your brain won't remember exactly how much you have suffered. The entire experience fossils into additional resilience, a trophy, or a scar.
After my overexposure towards pain and despair, I return to the society feeling like a zombie, a barren land after the volcano eruption. But spring will come, green grass and flowers will seed and grow again.
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