"Do you know that [Random relative's name] is getting married?"
"Really...congratulations to him."
"They are getting married in two weeks, and the ceremony is taking place in New York."
"Cool."
"...You are not coming?"
"No...I am busy with my exams."
"I understand you are busy honey, but you should try to come. It's [Random relative's name]'s wedding, people are getting together."
"I am not sure, I will see what I can do mom."
"Try to come, okay?"
"Okay..."
I did not go. Afterwards I sneaked at some of the wedding photos that some relatives have on Facebook. It was good that they made these photos public, that way I can get to know what happened as an internet passing bystander. The bridesmaids with faces I can recognize. 'Look at that ugly color...such stuffy wedding dress...poor decorations...what are they eating?' These are the thoughts going through my head-- harsh and bitter. But what is causing those ideas, are my deep desire to become one of them. If things are different, I could have enjoyed the wedding with them. If I attempted at befriending them, I probably would be in happier state of mind. But I didn't, and the longer I wait to reach out, the less bonding will form.
Too late, things are already this way. I ended up trying to convince myself that they actually looked down on me due to my immigrational status, so that I can channel this sense of injustice to something more useful to me -- career. As a result, bitterness subsided few days afterwards when I performed well on my exams. However, even now, I am unable to truly blame this broken connection to their prejudices. Because I know that I was at fault as well.
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