First time running a half marathon?

I first started running races because I have a lot of runner friends around me, I wanted to pick up new hobby, and I really wanted to make wall arts with finisher medals. So the credits of motivation would be from my friends and pinterest. Going to a first half marathon without proper training would be intimidating for new runners. On top of that, a lot of training programs come either expensive, time-consuming, or just too much information for someone who doesn't know much about running. I didn't know much about running other than it can help me loose weight, but heck, that's only half true. There are some simple important points that can help you plan out your training schedule:

Weekend long runs are my focus when I was training for my first half. I was lucky to have a 10mile race two weeks before my first half marathon, so I spent a total of two month of training for the first half marathon. This is what I did:
Weekend 1: 2 miles
Weekend 2: 5 miles
Weekend 3: 5 miles
Weekend 4: 7 miles
Weekend 5: 7miles
Weekend 6: 10miles (Race Day)
Weekend 7: 7 miles
Weekend 8: 13.1 miles (Race Day)
The longest I have ran before training was 3 miles. That was done two years ago. I remember I was dying afterwards. I wasn't even a runner of any sort before I started training. So you can do it too!

Weekday trainings are hectic especially for someone with a 9-5 job, so I ddi not train much on weekdays. But it's important to make sure to take care of your body on weekdays since those weekend long runs can make your body very, very stiff. As a result, you have to build up strength and flexibility. This is what I did:
Tuesday: Yoga (1 hour long session)
Thursday: Free weights (30min, 20lbs)
If you have absolutely no time for weekday trainings, take at least 10 minutes twice per week to build up strength in your core area.

Other things that you need to keep in mind:
- Don't injure yourself. You don't want to be the person that injured yourself and end up people watch during race day. Pay attend to how your body heals after a long run. If it takes more than a day to recover from a weekend long run, decrease your speed or mileage the next weekend.
- Stretch before and after your run. But if you are lazy and had to pick one, stretch after your run, it helps your body recover.
- If you are stock up on carbs a couple of days before the race, the race will go much easier.
- Make sure you go to the bathroom before you run. Bodily waste can drag you down.
- Make sure you dress adequately for running. If you are not sure how much layer to put on, dress less. It's less likely that you will be cold when running than burning up.
- Most importantly, try to enjoy the race. If you hate people, pick a small race. If you hate running, then run at a comfortable pace.

Recovering from a bad breakup

I swear this is going to the last time I write on this topic, because I am very tired of thinking, talking, and analyzing my own thoughts about breakups and recovery. A lot of people has been asking me how I can go from absolutely-miserable-street-cursing-mad woman to a happy confident woman in a month after my last relationship really deadly ended. The truth is that my relationship had already ended six month ago, but I was still hanging on to the hope that one day things will be back to normal. We were still "Friends". Being friends right after a break up is one of the worst thing and the least respectful thing you can do to yourself. Hanging on to hope is natural especially when you are in touch with your ex. Unless things are clearly cut, don't expect yourself to be completely free from all this torture. The following things are what I did after the last clean break which we said something along the lines of "We will never see and talk to each other ever ever ever again!" Even through I was still pretty destroyed then, but be aware that the results for you might vary since you might not have gotten used to days without your ex.

There are a few things that I did that were crucial in helping me recover: books, counselor, friends, and rebounds.

For books, I really recommend Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It helped me tremendously. If you are not a book reader, or you hate books, or you are not emo enough to pick up a totally different hobby, then just read chapter 48 and 49 of the book, and read it over and over until you actually believe it. After this book, read The book of forgiving by Desmond Tutu, and read every single word of it. When you are recovering from a breakup, you will have so much anger in you that you want to hurt somebody or yourself. This book walked me through my anger stage of emotional recovery gracefully.

Counselor is one of the things that once you tell someone that you have a counselor, they think you have some problems. Truth is, you might have some problems, but everyone has problems. Having a counselor is one of the best things you can do for yourself. A counselor helps pinpoints the problems you should or are ready to face so that you can be a better person. Counselors come at a very important times like this, because they can patiently analyze the relationships, finding faults in failed relationships that you refuse or did not notice. My counselor lend me Hardwiring Happiness by Rick Hanson, whom talks about how to focusing on the positives that are still present in yourself when an important piece of yourself just got ripped away. It helped some, but its impact was not as strong as the two books I recommended before.

Friends are really helpful when it comes to times like this too. However, there are certain friends that are capable of talking through your breakups and providing emotional comfort. Not all friends can do that, and not all friends has the patients to do that. Just because you have some friends whom are not always there for you, doesn't mean they are bad friends. It just means that they are also imperfect human beings that have different strengths and weaknesses. Make sure you don't completely reply on your friends, you also need to spend some time alone to actually process all your junk. Don't pour all your emotional tantrums onto your friends, process as much as you can on your own, then reach out to friends for help. An important part about any breakups is that its a process for you to become independent again.

For rebounds, make sure you don't go crazy, and make sure whoever you are dating knows that you have been through a hard breakup. Be yourself, and be honest. If you really like someone, go for it. If you don't like someone, don't force yourself to like that person just because you are lonely. If you decide to get into a new relationship, carefully evaluate whether your desire to get into a new relationship is due to excitement, societal pressure, loneliness, or you just like him enough to be in a relationship.

Trump - representation of American Arrogance

From the recent sleepless nights, I've been listening to the news, looking at the polls, and frantically updating on people's view on the most reported GOP runner. Never has a political candidate, or anyone in media, has caused this much stress, and anxiety in my life. Looking at the so called Donald Trump supporters - white, uneducated, racist, selfish, it is clear that people who have at least a tiny bit of moral senses do not want to have Trump as the American President.

Trump, the famous candidate that went up to the podium and started verbally attacking, insulting his oppoentents in the most graceless way, commented on the political ad campaign that was aired out against him. 'All those hours spent talking badly about me' as Trump weave out his thoughts to the reporter, hurt, disappointed, has he never thought about what those political candidates felt when he was insulting them right on TV? This is when I realize that Trump has no compassion towards people, does not feel and care about the pain he can inflict on others. If he comes the president, will he care about the pain and suffering millions of people are going to endure as a result of his policies?

Americans are known to be straight and direct. However, Trump speaks to the general public in the most convoluted way he can be. Every interviews he has conducted with reporters has been going in circles. The 'We gotta do something' and 'Make America great again' carries only emotion, but never any actual content. Trump rarely provides concrete and realistic solutions, a man who lives in his own dreams, unfortunately, is the only thing I see.

Worse, Trump addressed David Duke endorsement with denial and confusion. 'What? David Duke endorsed me?... Just so you understand, I don't know anything about David Duke, OK?' I have never seen a presidential candidate whom sounded so much like a child. How does that statement different from a 5-year old boy saying I don't know who stole that last cookie, I don't know, okay?

Some of the Trump supports has offered the most outraging reasons for why they support him. And those reasons reflected so much how sinful those people can be. CNN quoted a male Trump supporter saying 'I mean, it seems like we really go overboard to make sure all these other nationalities nowadays and colors have their fair shake of it, but no one's looking out for the white guy anymore'. In a way I am happy that those white guys are having a taste of what they have done to minorities, those terrible feeling of neglect, lack of respect, and fear they have made minorities feel for all those years. But looking at the comment, it made me question why should America look out for the white guys in the first place? I thought we are all created equal, I thought America is a nation that has been, and always will be, made out of immigrants.

I do not give Trump respect as a GOP candidate, I do not have respect for Trump as a human being. Such person, who only cares about profit, numbers, and ignore to address the people whom disagrees with him and would like to "punch [Trump's protestors] in the face". A dictator who kills off people who disagrees with his own ideas, that is who he really is.

Some good qualities to learn in Christianity

Growing up as an atheist, I had thought religion is nothing but quicksand of cults, an organization that you join voluntarily to be controlled and manipulated. I'm not sure where I picked those negative assumptions of religion, perhaps from passing by stories, and perhaps by heavy anti-religious influence on CCTV. It wasn't until recently that I started exploring different spiritual routes that Christianity has to offer. Christianity seems omnipresent, just like how Bank of america branches are everywhere, providing convenience, implying dominance. A few things I noticed about the teachings of Christianity that breaks my original idea of religion as a whole and see it less of a cult.

Encouragement for a welcoming community: People tend to adopt a sense of identity from a group, being inside a group tend to generate pride and exclusivity. The whole idea of VIPs is built on top of individuals'  pride and ego, a boost of exclusivity and feel good hormones. A small group of girlfriends can also be closed off to others due to reluctance for change and new voices. I believe welcoming communities are a rare find in today's society. It requires open-mindedness, love, and compassion towards others to be a member and supportive of a welcoming community. And who can confidently say that they always resemble all those qualities?

Belief in god as a self-fulfilling prophecy: It is hard for a colored feminist to picture a bald, old, Caucasian guy with exotically shaped long beards as a ruler, and call him father, believe in him, and think that he gives me life or decides my path. So I don't picture God in that way. Rather, I imagine god as goodness, karma, justice, fairness, and the perfect form of myself. Hence, to be closer to god is to constantly remind myself that I should be a good perfect, and I should strive towards perfection. Because I can never be god, I can never be perfect. And when I do things that are not perfect, that is because I can never be god. The other idea is that god will eventually give you everything you deserve in this unfair world. It's the thinking that everything is going to be good, fine, and we will eventually all be okay. This wishful thinking to me, seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy that prevents me from aimlessly worry about the unknown future.

It makes you less fearful of death: A number of spiritual writers and well-being gurus have written about fear. Fear of death has tormented people, especially in old age, from enjoying their life to the fullest. The essence of Christianity is to believe that once you are dead, you in some gassy form will ascend to heaven and live in utopia forever. While this sounds to me like a prison, but it's suppose to be good. The belief of afterlife makes you less fearful of death, hence help liberating you from the notion of fear itself. Now isn't it good to be brave and less fearful?

While these teachings have only good intentions, we have all seen people that were so dedicated to religion that they have completely lost themselves. As a friend once said, religion can be a tremendous help for people when used in the right circumstances with the right amount of influence. When you are too much into an established religion, let it be Christianity or Buddhism, that you donate all your belongings to it and struggling to make your own ends meet, then this religion is a cult to you. I am not an advocate for Christianity, and I still take the idea of organized religion with caution. With that said, I think that everyone needs their own religion as a leeway to deeper spiritual development. It could be an unique religion that you come up with yourself (your view on life), or you can join an already established religion with temples or books. As long as it allows you to focus on being a better human being to yourself and to others, it is a good religion that fosters spiritual development.

Something easier than articulation

Today, I encountered a person. I encountered someone smart, dedicated, and influential. He was a guy with his own lab and ideas, meeting with my mentors and bosses for a collaborator project. I was able to sneak into the meeting under the excuse of learning. He rolled into my lab's small meeting room, covering a half of a mac laptop with his palms, oozing down on our meeting room chair until the chair finally let out a weak groan. It is from this guy that I've learned something that could be useful to a lot of social interactions.

This guy pulled out his computer, put up a long powerpoint presentation, excitingly talk about what he has found from the maturation of cells from basil laminar to the external surface. Slides after slides of colorful, powerful images of stained cells, the results pretty much sold itself. Throughout his talk he found chances to include some personal stories and jokes to make the presentation less dry, and hence we know that he also has a number of other projects and collabrators. As we sat there gawking over what's in front of us, his tones changed subtly. "I usually hate to talk about this," he began. He was asking for additional funding to his project, a common problem that scientists face. I stared at his facial expressions, trying to catch any indications of sensation other than the excitement and honor to work with us. Among the many blessed words to our ears, I caught tiny glimpse of discomfort, nervousness, and lots of laughter to ease out any source of negativity. Is he carefully articulating what he is saying for a better outcome? Did he chose to focus on how happy he is to work with us so we don't pay too much attention to the financial request? Or is the cheerful attitude and the awkwardness of financial request just a honest representation of his thinking?

Often times in social interactions I come upon the need to ask for favors, or just to get on someone's good side without saying I really like you as a person and wish we can be friends. Even if I don't like someone, I still feel the need to be as friendly and amiable as I can. In a world that is as intricately connected as ours, a good rule to have is to make as much good impressions as one can. However, there are times when I mess up. When I have mixed views about something, words come out of my mouth reveal exactly that. I would then have to be more elaborate and explain that I didn't meant to say what I said, but I know that I really believe what I've just said. Confusion, inconsistency, and awkwardness are the results of these kind of slip ups. Sometimes people tell me that I need to articulate my ideas better, but it requires knowing English on a deeper level then I demonstrate. Other times people encourage me to focus on something else then my actual point, but that doesn't sound right either. With my recent discoveries of religion and morality, a few things clicked as I observed and listened to what this guy said.

Becoming a good speaker requires articulation. But carefully align words in purposeful ways requires lots of mental power and exercise to achieve perfectly. It requires years of reading, large span of attention dedicated to vocabulary, relationship between words, and all that jazz. It is not the fastest solution to avoid slip ups especially when you are not confident speaking eloquently. However, being a honest speaker that voices out how I feel at a specific time, does not require any thing but honesty. To me, narrating things in the honest and truthful way requires less mental energy then speaking while facing cognitive dissonance. If not able to articulate my own words is my problem, then I can at least convince myself that my negativity is wrong. The disappearance of negativity might only be temporary, but as long as negativity disappear while I'm interacting with that person, I still have presented myself as best as I can. I wonder as I write this post, if that dude traveled up to DC from his own institution has spent his travel time wondering what's the best word in the best sentence when expressing which idea will yield him the best outcome.

Quality of life

I was inspired to rant about the quality of life when I was on the bus this morning, overhearing two gentlemen talking about their mothers and grandmothers' experiences being in old age. Just for your reference, their relatives are all in their 90s. The whole conversation prompted me to think about how people's quality of life change as they age, and their expectation for quality of life change as well. This topic is semi related to Young vs Old post from last December.

Before briefly touching on quality of life at old age, I would like to talk about people ranging the age 20 to 50 having a certain expectation and guidelines for their quality of life. We are all subconsciously trying to improve our quality of life. However, the way that many of us understand the quality of life is not just how much you go to the gym, how much you make, or how much fancy food you can enjoy with whoever people. To me personally, going to the gym makes me feel more fit and healthy, making more money makes me feel more competent as a human being, eating fancy food makes me feel like I am very privileged. They are all guidelines to which I categorize under quality of life, as if doing those things could give me a mental check in my quality of life checklist. However, deep down inside, I believe quality of life is more than our own desire to motivate, enjoy, pamper ourselves.

Quality of life also involves how satisfied, fulfilled, or, for the lack of a better word, blessed you feel on average. My bus driver believed that the quality of life for an senior citizen is more important than the longevity. This is where our view of quality of life is different from say, a dying grandma's view of quality of life. Atul Gwande emphasize in Being Mortal that at the edge of dying, patients tend to grab onto privacy and sentimental matters while sacrificing their time being alive. Legacy is another important matter people think about when facing death. All of those things: connections to others, connections to the self, legacy, etc. all give us ideas about who we are and the roles we have played in relation to others. While Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now indicate being conscious of the presence is important, I believe establishing satisfying meaningful relationships with people around you, and your spiritual higher being (God or Buddha), is an essential part of the quality of life.

Privileges

One of the common societal and psychological problem that we constantly have to deal with is privilege. The people around us with any gender, race, age are all given with certain privileges. We don't have all the same privileges, but any one of us, especially the ones reading this post, have at least one - access to internet, able to speak the universal language, access to electricity, etc. We often don't look at our own privileges, because it just so easy to take them for granted. And granted, some privileges are given to us when we were born. We often look at other people's privileges that we do not have, and agonize about how unfair for us to not have them. Then there are people whom appreciate certain privileges and consider themselves lucky to have them, of which then soon translate to responsibility.

Throughout history, no one can deny the fact that a lack of privileges is a main reason people make profound social changes for. War of 1812 started when we do not have the privilege to be represented in parliament, Feminism started when women do not have the same right as men. And currently, the black right movement that's surfing on top of internet wave is louder then ever. I have encountered a number of articles that comes out to speak up their opinion of black awareness. Some I agree with, some I think are written by self-deceptive idiots. It is hard both morally and reasonably to take a stance on the whole thing, but it is because I do not have either the white nor black privilege. In my numerous attempt to form my own opinion of racial awareness and privileges, I realized that I cannot have one that is completely fair.

Having a certain privilege places you in a certain environment that is uniquely to people with such privilege. For the outside eyes, we see benefits, yet we don't know the consequences that comes with it. And believe me, all things have good and bad consequences. It's just a matter of how much. What we should do with privileges, is simply be aware of it. We can simply understand that they are in a unique situation that we will never be in, then walk away. I don't think it is fair to point fingers at one another and say, you have privilege X, Y, and Z, and I don't. I think it is not point fingers and say, you have privilege X, Y, and Z, I have privilege A, B, and C, those privilege do not make us better or worse of a person, it just makes us different.

That being said, it is also important to acknowledge that each one of us have certain kind of priviliege that not a lot of other people have. It is obvious to point out privileges in well-to-do families, but being able to find your privileges in your painful background is a very good tool to have. In Malcolm Gladwell's David and Goliath, Gladwell talked about how people who were born in challenging family backgrounds raise to the top of society through the unique and harsh environment in childhood and early adulthood. While this phenomenon does not happen to all people born in that environment, we know, through pop science, that there is at least a hope, a chance. I would say being born in difficult family environments is a privilege because you have the experience to go through hardship that not a lot of people will. And hardship is very good for the soul because it forces you to stay sane by practicing hope and hard work. Both hope and hard work are necessary for a healthy and successful life.

Personally, being a minority is a privilege. It gains me access to people of my own kind. We are friendlier to each other, we help each other out. Being a minority also gives me the privilege to practice dignity, to have a clear view of the common misconceptions, to be lesser fearful of failures due to my minority status. Being a minority instead of being white in America is like climbing the Himalayas instead of the Sierra Nevada, it's more difficult, but the gains are incomparably enormous.