Being self-aware can be discomforting

I was looking for books to read the other day, and more specifically, books that can give me a better judgement of character. Judgement of character is especially important if you are looking for the right people to meet in all aspects of your life. So far I have not yet found any. A book that I encountered on named How To Be A Good Judge Of Character Methods of Assessing Ability and Personality has some kind of religious influence in it. Even through I have recently been exploring the area of religion in my life, I hesitate to become a person that evolves my life around religion. As I was google searching, I came upon a post about such topic, that leads to a blog, then leads to a book named Hearts, Smarts, Guts, and Luck. It's a book on being self-aware that leads to successful entrepreneurship. The word entrepreneurship screams arrogance to me due to the character I associate with business majors in my undergraduate school. So I tend to stay away from it. The three co-authors for this self-help book also screams titles and influences to me. As I glanced at the short description of the three dominating looking businessman, I felt envious, jealous, worthless. They have money, influence, power, reputation, all of which I used to value, but no longer. They are self-aware, which I now value, and they apparently have enough to co-author a book about it. They are also thirty or forty years older than me, but I choose to ignore that.

It is then that made me realize that being self-aware is not always a feel-good drug. The envious and jealousy I felt increased my blood pressure, made me feel inferior and more keenly aware of my lesser role in my community. I also immediately realized the envious and jealousy I felt, and it made me feel ugly to even have such feeling in the first place. Just like one of my colleague used to tell me that she can be self-aware, but being self-aware made her feel uncomfortable about herself. I used to sneer and consider it a lack of courage to face such discomfort, now I think she is right. Often times being self-aware is constantly looking at myself at the ugliest, most realistic way possible. Being self-aware can get to the point that it messes up with your psyche. One person can look at him or herself this way every once in a while and know how to solve the problem. Another can also over expose him or herself to this painfully and uncomfortable way then fall into a negative feedback loop of despair.

But that's not to say that being self-aware is a bad thing. The questions that people ask on the blog of Hearts, Smarts, Guts, and Luck are more or less centered around finding ways to become self-aware. As if being self-aware is like having perfect pitch or photographic memory, you are either born with it or not. People generally want to be self-aware. People want that ability to honestly see themselves critically and honestly. Like positivity and willpower, self-awareness is a useful tool that comes in handy when life becomes unmanageable.

Tears is a wonderful thing

Tears is there to wash away the microorganisms that might settle onto your cornea. It's a sign of natural protective mechanisms against any foreign invasion. Tears in other instances are there as a sign of sorrow or sadness. I have been reading many psychoanalytic books, with eager psychologists trying to bring light to different perspective into people in transition, people that are suffering, or people facing whatever problems they are facing. There is one common theme in all of those books I read by David Brooks, M. Scott Peck, and Viktor Frankl. They all welcome tears, suffering, and changes in life. They see it as a necessary tool for us to grow spiritually into a deeper understanding of ourselves.

I, at many instances, try my best to hold the tears from coming out. You will laugh at the things I do: digging nails into my hands, pinching myself, or start thinking about extremely silly or embarrassing things I have done in the past. Most of times they don't work. Doing so would temporarily delay my tears, but at the end the tears always wins. Always.

Tears is a representation of suffering. Suffering is a representation of confrontation. Confrontation is a representation of maturation. Maturation is a representation of growth. Growth is a representation of experience. With those experience, we can see world from a different perspective. 

Another reason why people often hold back the tears, other than the fear of suffering and pain, is fear of judgement from others. The industrial revolution has changed people into believing tears as a sign of weakness, where indeed tears is a sign of strength. Tears show the confidence and bravery of an individual to show his or her weakness to others. Once an individual is willing to show it, the individual is willing to take the risks of all that follows afterwards. It indicates a precious level of trust towards others. It also indicates the belief in the self that is strong enough to tolerate all consequences of exposing his or her own weaknesses. 

To me, that is the quality of any leader of any organization should have, and yet sadly, most leaders in this world are deep in fear of the destruction of career, shame, and judgement. And yet, not many people, are willing to live completely guilt free, and are willing to remain the state of fear for a long long time. Many times, audiences can be forgiving and tolerant. We all understand that no one is perfect, because people who indeed pursue perfection is a sign of imperfection in itself. 

When people talk about themselves

Many times when people talk about themselves, I do this mind game of counting the times of a repeated statement. And when people are talking about themselves, hence activating the feel good response, they tend to emphasize certain points or qualities about themselves.

Some people I encounter are well-off. Those people strike a heavy impression because...they are well-off, and I am not well-off. When talking about themselves, some would say, humbly, that they are comfortable. Some people would just admit with pride that they are wealthy and tells some 20 something youngster to go see their house. Then there are the kinds of people that want to vaguely imply how rich they are by telling me the yacht they have in Baltimore, the W they stayed at when they were in Las Vegas, how they buy their girlfriends monogramed handbags and red-painted bottom shoes. They spit out a mouthful of information with one central idea - they are rich. Hearing those kind of talks never make me comfortable, because it indicates a certain level of arrogance and belittlement within their tone.

When I accidentally got someone to start talking about themselves in this way, it's no longer a conversation, they are making an argument -- usually an argument about how good they think they are, are indeed how good they actually are, as if they are telling you a secret that researchers don't know. So I came up with a formula when I talk to people to allow me to differentiate the actual truth from egoistical beliefs.

When you are listening to someone talking, you can start counting the number of times they argued for the same point. If they mentioned it once or twice out of a twenty minute conversation, then it probably means it's true yet it's not a main emphasis of their life. If they mentioned it more than three or four times, or circulate around the same topic for two or three minutes out of a twenty minute conversation, then it probably means it's something they really believe in and are currently on their mind. If anything more than that, it for sure means that they are trying to brainwash you into believing whatever they are trying to tell you. In this case, don't believe him or her, and run as fast as you can, because a man aggressively trying convince you of something is either a really good salesman or a control freak.

Young vs Old: a way to explain the difference in happiness

There are the things that I think on a daily basis: how to be a better person, what is the fundamental rule that I should abide by to get by life the right way, what kind of person should I be when interacting with people from different backgrounds? All those questions I think about, consulted self-help books on, everyday non-stop, almost seem like an psychological symptom. Only recently, do I finally accept that it's all because I'm young, confused, inexperienced, worried, and anxious. All of which goes under the category of normal twenty year olds.

I was having a satisfying intellectual conversation with an acquiesce of mine about arrogance and something called the socio-emotional selectivity theory. It was a great conversation that I do not experience in my daily life, sadly. It was a conversation that involved with most agreements, addition of information, and the consensus that young people are arrogant, old people are not.

The socio-emotional selectivity theory, if you don't know, is a theory that people's attitude and behavior towards life is more dependent on how many years of life the individual perceive remain on this planet. Experience in the past matter, education matter, but this years remain alive and well matter the most towards people's attitudes towards life.

If you are young and in your twenties, you think you will life on forever. The questions you think tend to be long-term. Things like the next career choice, the people you should befriend to benefit you in the long term, the amount of wealth you should accumulate to make you live comfortably, are all geared towards the future. Younger generations (the responsible ones) tend focus on preparation and delayed satisfaction, instead of immediate fulfillment.

If you are not young, or if you are young but somehow know that you only have five or six years to live, you might find those questions to quickly loose its meaning. What's the point of starting a career when you know that you only have five to six years to work on it? Is it even worth it to put that much time and energy into something that are uncertain? What's the point of befriending this arrogant wealthy jerk when the chance of him helping me is one in a thousand? In term, those people focus on what's important to their own satisfaction and fulfillment. Establishing connections with  people who know you closer to the soul, is something all old people do. They know each other better, forming further bonds with familiar ones establishes a deeper level of understanding and comfort -- something new acquaintances do not give you. Doing the simple things like gardening, spending time at home gives you a sense of belonging and identity -- something that working 10 hours a day does not give you. At a point in time, people who think they only have a few years to live change their way of thinking, and somehow just knows what truly make them satisfied and fulfilled. It's not a new LV bag, it's not the newest tech gadgets, it's, apparently, the simplest thing that all young people are already doing but are unaware - the greenery of the grass, the change of seasons, then daily saluting with people, the general spirit of fulfillment and joy.

While I write, I can understand this fulfillment and joy abstractly, yet fail to grasp it concretely.

The simple absentmindedness that disturbed my peace for the holidays

With the blessing of the holidays, I decided to volunteer to wrap some gifts for wounded veterans charity. I originally thought my work involve taking a back log of unwrapped gifts and just put wrapping on them. Only later did I realize, startled, that it was a gift wrapping stand and involve interacting with customers. We had to wrap customers' gifts, in exchange for money. Those money, would then go to wounded veterans. The concept was different, and it changed my attitude for my situation. Dealing with customers involves putting on a welcoming face, praising them, and be as agreeable as possible. Wrapping in a small room with back log of unwrapped gifts does not require any of those.

What startled me more was a charity member that we call the leader. She was responsible for assigning tasks to volunteers, take care of monetary transactions, and all that. Like in a shop, she was the manager, and we were the workers. The gift wrapping station was compiled with three long desks, each with a red piece of cloth over it to make it look legit. A small sign on the left of the station that lists out the price of service: small- $4, medium-$6, large-$8, x-large-$10. With these abstract concept of sizes, customer is assumed to know what they are getting into. Right of the station has an stand with photos of wounded veterans and family reunions, giving the observant ones an idea that our service is more than a business transaction. On the desk is a binder, filled with more pictures of veterans. 

For the three uncomfortable hours I stood there, I tolerated my leader's behavior, I see it as a practice of my patience and forgiveness. But no more of this, I have to say, that what I observed, was inconsiderate, embarrassing, and disrespectful.

1. My attitude towards all people whom asked for gift wrapping were that they were customers that are looking for gifts to be wrapped in exchange for monetary compensation. Most customers whom stopped by the desk does not read and only later notice that all of our funds goes to charity. People don't read, even through there are photos and flyers and a binder full of pictures of wounded veterans, they just do not notice. Sometimes volunteers do a bad job, because we are all volunteers, not professional gift wrappers. The leader, or whomever that was having the initial contact with customers, should remind them that all funds goes to charity, and that they should not expect professional service. But there was none of that. Instead, I witnessed a couple of customers that watched closely and nervously at how the gifts were wrapped, and ended up seemingly disappointed at the wrapped gifts, only walking away with an air of disappointment. 

2. My leader has this habit of opening every gift to see what's inside when customers presented their items to be gift wrapped. Not only that, she touches it. Unfolding a dress, or opening up the dust bag to find a bag, then rubs her hand on it, while saying "wow this is beautiful, I wish I had this. (giggles) I am looking at what everyone is getting so I can make my shopping list. (more giggles)" I think it is rude, very, extremely, rude. If I want someone to gift wrap an gift that I wholeheartedly prepared for my loved ones, I would not appreciate it being investigated by someone else. At the same time, I would feel as if I'm being judged for the quality of item I am bring to my loved ones, no matter what the wrapper will say. This feeling of judgement and subconscious intrusion of privacy, is something to be avoided. Privacy is extremely important in every aspects of our life. A violation of privacy in my definition, is the utmost disrespect and inconsideration.

3. There is one time that my leader gave a customer a medium size box and took the extra large box from Macy's from the customer. Only after all gifts were wrapped, does she tell the customer that we switched the boxes, for the customer's convenience. In this case, the problem I'm having is the lack of consent. A normal procedure would be to ask the customer, whom are sitting right behind the desk and waiting, if we can switch out the boxes. The customer, out of courtesy, would most of times say yes. But go ahead and take something that originally belonged to them ahead of time? I just don't think that's right. 

Most of those problems can be solved if my leader is mindful of being respectful and communicative, especially when people are running a charity because we appreciate, value, and respect the life of others-- others that are suffering, and are less fortunate than us. But the behavior of inconsideration and rudeness exemplified by my leader, makes me question the ideology and attitude of a member from charity. The only thing that I learned from this, is that all volunteer opportunities are not the same, not all people are the same. Choosing an opportunity to give back to society involves careful observation of the people you interact with. Bad influences should be avoided, and we all need to be mindful and respectful of everyone around us.

If you have no idea...

I was back home during the holidays, the first thing my dad said to me when I got home was there are some African tribes that lived in isolated areas away from outside influence, extremely poor, but frolic happy, do you see it as blessing or ignorance? I was startled, since a greeting was something I was expecting. Without the chance to think, my mom dragged me away to show me some new clothes she bought on discount from some quality store.

I thought about this problem for sometime, at first my answer was Yes! Blessings! How wonderful is their life without outside influence and living in their own utopia. Living in a world with a perfect structure, constant attitude, minimal problems and changes, I imagine the still-life of the picture perfect world. Like Adam and Eve in the garden, unaware of the harsh life that could possibly exist. So unfortunate that they took a bite of that apple, and come to the acknowledgement of wisdom and judgement-- all the good things that supreme creatures have, as well as the baggage of what Christianity call sin.

We often ask the question: do we regret bitting that apple? My answer is no.

The acquisition of happiness, and all those things that people say they want, will never be achieved when it is set as a goal. They come as a byproduct of something else, something that is meaningful, something that actually makes you get up early in the morning, something that you spent your nights tirelessly working on, something...else. Those things, as I vaguely describe but cannot pinpoint, are pursued through struggles, hardships, and headaches. Once you discover the thing, or meaning, or purpose, that you so passionately battle for, you may discover one day a bag full of happiness, success, or fame as a bonus.

For our fellow brothers and sisters from those African tribes that my dad was talking about, they may represent the life in the Garden of Eve. They are not aware of outside world, and are free from daily temptations that we battle everyday. Yet, do they know the true satisfaction after a fruitful day of hard labor? Do they know the feeling of victory when one has overcome his or her own limitations?

Future: a cultural change

A number of current writers, predominately in the field of psychology, sociology, philosophy, and humanities, lament about the values that generations of the twenty first century have. The emphasis on the big me was never a bad thing, until it turns people into terrorists, narcissists, or on a less extreme level, just plain brats. With the millions of books published on self help, self improvement, I guess the newly found value that emphasizes on oneself still does not improve humanity.

People occasionally ponder, Why did some celebrities, with money and fame that everyone wants, turn from innocence to degenerates? Why do people update non-stop on Facebook and twitter? Why did Instagram and snapchat took off within a whim? Some even ask those questions, I'm afraid, with senses of jealousy, as if having more than thousands of followers on twitter or instagram were a success. That leaves the rest of civilization on this planet-- not successful? But I'm sure most people would agree with me that there are many problems with the teen, 20, and 30 years olds in this world: insecurity, constant grasp for attention, and loneliness. But why would you be lonely if you have thousands of followers on Instagram and fifty likes on your newest photo upload on Facebook?

Apparently, we have taken off the value of the big me way too far. When the idea of the big me first came, it was there to jumpstart the post World War II gloom. It was an idea that people no longer have to suffer together for the adrenaline we get from patriotism. The big me was there to help people with a social transition from community to individuality. But in the twenty first century, we have cycled three generations from the baby-boomers, we don't need those ideas anymore. World War II, cold war, is now history that we can learn from, not social anxiety we have to deal with. But we fail to understand that. Our grand parents suffer from the stress of not having enough food back in their days, stress the importance of having money. Our parents saw childhood classmates make a fortunate with nothing but passion (Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, etc.), firmly believe that we can, too. What results is a society where money and fame diggers struggling to find a replacement for the parental love we are so used to receiving.

I would like to see one day, that the horrendous scream for self-grandiouse will die down. That one day when people drop their sense of pride, ego, and reputation. One day when all of us focus on what is truly meaningful for each and everyone of us. And one day when we focus on giving to other people. The day when people value community, meaning, love, and forgiveness, is a day that all are smiling and satisified.

Suicide in high school

I was just reading about the abnormal suicide rates in Palo Alto high school. High suicide rates among teenagers in affluent areas did not surprise me. Faced with high levels of pressure to succeed, and isolation from their intolerant parents, I'm pretty sure I would not find any will to live in this world if I were them. When I was in senior year in high school in New York, a couple of students in my school also committed suicide. Jump in front of the train was a common method. My school was grieving after the death, but I somehow find no difference compare to the atmosphere beforehand. To me, that school was always gloomy.

I was stalking one of my previous ex's friends on Facebook the other day. Because, who doesn't stalk their ex at some point in time? As I scroll through the pictures, one girl caught my attention. I clicked into her semi-public profile, and was stunned. She looks exactly like the girl whom bullied me back when I was in high school. It is like her identical twin. And she looked so happy. Scenes of despair flood up in my mind. After the goosebumps, chills, and upset stomach, I cleared my browser history, closed safari. I found myself in my weakest state of mind.

Ex dumped me, and his friend look like someone who used to bully me. What a terrible world I live in. Just another reason we shouldn't be together. He is just a clone of those people. People from affluent areas are all the same.

I let my mind dwell. My pain and disgust still remained in me. I'm pretty sure if I had asked my ex about her, he would probably say "so and so is a really nice person, she wouldn't do those things to anyone...they are not even the same person, they just look alike" As far as he could tell. Of course, people change through out the course of time. And as they grow up, they probably have loss their queen-bee throne that was dominating back in their teenage years. If they are good people now, does it exempt them from what they have done in the past? Does it not matter how much torment I went through when I was in the weakest, most senitive years? With my hands shaking, this intense physical reaction from just seeing a picture is indicative of something far more serious underneath.

But the real problem is not being dumped or I got hurt. The problem is that I still have not yet let go of all the bitterness in the past after all these years. I simply choose to ignore the past, and let the painful imprints fade away in my long-term memory. I was the happiest student in high school graduation, because finally I can get out of it. Out of sight, out of mind. So I used to think. But just because I ignore what I struggled, doesn't mean that I can escape from all the insecurity, harm, negative feelings I endured and internalized for four years.

Back in high school, I did not have the courage or the confidence to talk to any of my fellow classmates on the same level because my family was not wealthy enough to live in the district. Judy was in the same band practice as me. I can tell she is one of the competitive students that wants to get into Harvard or Yale. I was a beginner in flute, took a couple of classes, and thought that playing some band music can really help enhance my skills. My counselor placed me in Band II by accident, a class for the highly accomplished musicians. I remember the first day I had no idea what I was doing. I had no sheet music, and was not familiar with any of the songs. There was a lot of catching up to do. Judy sat next to me. After the class, she told the teacher that I did not play my flute during class. My teacher was a Ph.D. We addressed him as Dr. He said to us, since my schedule was having conflicts, I can stay in Band II and will be fine. Judy apparently did not think so. She told everyone that I did not play my flute in class, publicly ridiculed me, and pointed fingers when encounter me in hallways. I was scared. I spend most of my time that year practicing flute, I just cannot get to be as good as Judy. Hence, I thought, Judy had the right to make fun of me, simply because I sucked. I did not belong in that class. After that year, I threw my flute away, never wanted to see it again.

I tried talking to therapists about this. I was acknowledged that I can blame everyone around me for the things that happened, the teacher, Judy, her friends, and myself. I was told to learn to love myself, even through everything I went through opposed such idea. I was embarrassed to talk to anyone about this, even more so to people closest to me. As I find more answers to treat my disease of insecurity and low self-esteem, I came to the idea to just--- talk to her about this. It's been so many years, and there is nothing I can loose. Maybe she has a different opinion of the situation, and my interpretation of the situation was just off. Maybe she tell her argument for what she did, and I simply misunderstood. Confrontation, even just a tiny bit of words in exchange, can catalyze healing process of my mental wounds. Maybe, just maybe, I will contact Judy on Facebook, and write her a letter about how I felt. Maybe she will listen, maybe she will not, or maybe she was not even aware. And maybe that identical twin I saw on Facebook in my ex's profile is the good twin and Judy is the evil sister.

Paris Attack 2015, but it's more about me and Paris

Paris attacks! Gasp! Can't believe the terrorists are back again! But this time it is more of a hybrid of September 11th attack and the Boston marathon attack.

With all the negative, grieving news from the radio, TV, newspaper, a sensitive young mind could easily fall into the endless negative feedback loop about the existence and meaning of human kind.

What immediately came to my mind was the refugees, and not the Parisians. Paris was just a tool for ISIS to voice its anger and display its potential to harm. Paris is now all over the news. I wonder if this attack will increase the surge in tourism in Paris soon afterwards. Keeping in mind that the number of Japanese restaurants surged after world war II, I wonder if people are going to be more interested in the Parisian culture, its food, its everything. I wonder if there is going to be #hipsterParisianfashion soon appearing on twitter.

But I do pray for the refugees that are in Europe and in America. The backslash and the prejudice they will receive for things they have no control of is just unseemly. Those people were deprived of basic human rights in their own country, forced to starve in refugee campus, and when they finally discovered a less dangerous place on this planet, we, the "natives" of the land come to hunt them with prejudice.

Immediately afterwards I took a step back at my thoughts and observed it. Why do I have such a large resentment towards the Parisians other than the fact that they are snobby, judgmental, and unwelcoming? Aren't I sometimes snobby, judgmental, and unwelcoming? If I were in their situation, I would be rude towards the tourisms whom in some form constantly ruin the beauty of my own city, too. Or was it that since the majority of the world is already lamenting for the loss that Paris endured, they don't need more attention? Whom am I to judge the equal distribution of lament and attention out of so many people that live in this world?

Hence, it's fair to say: Paris, I don't hate you anymore, I feel bad for you. However, I don't particularly like you, either.

Young and Ignorant

Have you ever get frustrated at how stupid people sometimes are? Surprised and felt hopeless that the majority of people are absent minded and have no awareness of their stupidity? I was thinking about many instances that I have encountered from talking to people whom just spit out the most presumptuous things, not having a clue about what they sound like. For once I encountered someone who made fun of Ph.D. For studying the chemicals produced uniquely on this one species of butterflies. He found it so childish and the study of butterflies as a act of stripping away one's manhood. He then attempted to create a contrast of his own immature way of thinking by wrapping up his story with "whatever dude, lets just get drunk." Another story I have heard was the conspiracy theory that, the lack of progression in HIV vaccine is a result of an governmental/conservative/religious attempt to wipe out the homosexual population. The fact that these kind of instances where people from wealthy business backgrounds completely ignoring human moral values that exists in us, made me feel worried in this overly materialized world where everyone is focused on being entertained and stimulated. They are not spending time thinking about themselves, hearing other voices, and looking from other people's perspectives. 

But then when I started thinking about hearing other voices, and seeing from other people's perspectives, I reached the conclusion that maybe I am the arrogant one just like them. My inability to understand the perspective of a non-science individual is just a precise example of me being a part of the young and ignorant or the old close minded generations.

Continuity in space

I remember when I was studying art history, I came upon an work of art named "Unique forms of continuity in space". This piece immediately stuck to my mind, which was highly unusual for me. I am not good at remembering things unless I absolutely have to do it. But this title came to my frontal cortex and never left. The name, idea, and the meaning of the piece itself, had helped me gone through so many things in life.

The idea of futurism has a positive note that I believe everyone at least once in their life would associate with. Think postwar, and the sudden industrial growth. It celebrated change, the adoption of a brand new world, a brand new beginning. The unique forms of continuity in space, like a constantly changing society, is so unique that no timeless identifiable form. It signifies fluid and movement, yet it is indestructible. The cognitive mind also has its unique form in space. People can experience difficult things that were as detrimental to the mind as nuclear bombs to a country; but the will to go on with life is indestructible. After the many times which I faced failures, heartbreaks, and death, I overcome and become a slightly different person. My personality and values changed in both good and bad directions, but I am still here. The old me ten years back, is slightly different from the current me. I'm pretty sure the me ten years in the future is going to be slightly different too.

My worth

One of the problem as a young 20 something woman constantly under the influence of social media, is that I like to value my worth through everything around me. My status among work, whom am I interacting, the amount of saving in my bank, my clothes, the appearance of my home, my boyfriend, or ex boyfriends. It takes me to this god feeling of strong and powerful when: work is going great, friends are pretty and smart, having enough savings in the bank so I can go without working for 1 year, good quality and expensive cloth, modern home, a boyfriend that makes people go "wow" (in a good way), and more so, how my previous boyfriends have treated me. The truth is, to a perfectionist and someone who is OCD in all aspects of her life, 99.99% of my life is in a stage where at least one of those examples is not right. I ended up like a detective, evaluating all aspects of my life, looking for problems. When I find it, I focus as much time as I need fixing it. And when I have more than one problem, I decide on the order of such problems being address based on its influence on my sanity. And before I know it, I became a slave to perfecting my life, for the sake of the vain feeling that my life is better than yours.

According to most people who know me, and even some people who are quite close to me, I have everything in my life together. But I am really not. I live life in the most tiresome way I can make it. I worry about the next thing that will go wrong in my life, instead of relaxing on a sunny beach and get skin cancer. I look at what others have, and decide if I want to have it as well. Well it turns out, I'm quite a greedy person. As a result, I fail to appreciate the things around me because my focus is always the next problem.

With all that said, I do not planning on change but simply acknowledge this. My ability to solve problems can push me to the next stage in life in a more successful way. I am willing to scarify my happiness for the sake of being successful. All that happiness and living the good life talk, can wait till later.

A word a day emails

I recently subscribed to Merriam-Webster's word of the day emails. That is, everyday, you receive an email from Merriam Webster with the definition and examples of uses of a new word. I initially wanted to broaden my vocabulary after getting frustrated at the number of words I have never heard of when I read those fancy New Yorker articles. Since I often over use adjectives in my writing, I thought it would be nice to improve my adjectives vocabulary just to confuse people further with my writing.

It has been two days so far, the first email I received gave me the word: victual. It means food, but I have never seen this word being used in articles, nor have I have any idea where and when is the best situation for this word to be used. I didn't think too much about it, but was hoping a word that appears more often in conventional writing would appear, like "impeccable" or "conundrum". The next day I got my world of the day -- slapstick. What comes afterwards was an bittersweet experience.

The weaker role in a relationship

Everytime when a relationship ends, I take my time to reflect and learn. I think about the whole process, the roles we played as a couple, and mostly the things that he and I have done that led up to the breakup. If you are not the one that initiates the breakup, breakup sucks. If you are a woman and you are the one that is initiating the breakup, then breakup doesn't suck. In the mist of sadness, I have a tendency to focus on the amount of emotional effort I have to put in to make myself recover. The more emotional effort I need, the "weaker" role I have played in such relationship. But everyone knows that a relationship has to be balanced. The conclusion of me playing the weaker role can only indicate what happened was wrong, and unfair to one of us.

By weaker role, I mean the one that has little influence in the direction that the relationship goes, the one that relies on the other, the one that cries because of unfairness but cannot do anything about it since the other just won't listen. Have you ever been this situation? Well I have. It sucks. It sucks because I consider myself a 21 century woman who has power over my feelings. Then the question comes to: why am I feeling this way? Is it because my significant other is a male chauvinist who do not respect woman? Is it because my significant other don't have feelings? Is it because he just don't care about me and just don't care about this relationship at all? Is it because he just wants me for sex?

I think so.










There is also a tiny chance that I might be just too dependent on him. There is also a even smaller chance that I might be insecure, have low self-esteem, and fearful of him leaving. And why would that be the case? Past experiences? Lack of male role model? Too much negative outlook on life? A lack of understanding in your significant other? Control issues? Or a combination of them? I am like this, but I don't even know where to start to address these issues.

Master Cleanse Day 3.5

I woke up today feeling extremely fatigue, ceiling spinning, body stuck to my bed. Not a good feeling, perhaps due to exercise from yesterday. Throughout the day I was in range for nothing, moody, and unable to form decent conversions with people. To prevent my reputation at work from depleting even more, I stopped my cleanse at noon, and grabbed fruit salad and two bananas for lunch.

Now I am in the process of slowly introducing larger quantities of food into my diet. This includes gradually go up to normal size meals, avoiding over expanding my stomach by eating until full, and cutting out as much carbs as I can for a healthier diet.

Most people say that it is easy to gain back the weight after the cleanse, but as long as you exercise and eat right, that wouldn't be a concern.

Master Cleanse Day 3

Talking about food and hunger! It is restaurant week in DC soon and I've asked all my friends to go with me. I woke up this morning again with watery diarrhea, and notice that my face and hands are very dry. I am getting concerned about my water level, and considering just stop after Day 3. People report that they feel the chills and lack of energy while being on the master cleanse. I don't feel either. The only thing I feel is a subtle desire to eat food, kind of like a subtle ache during menstrual cycle. I skipped the salt water flush, because I just cannot handle the taste of salty water in the morning anymore.

The feeling of hunger comes and goes throughout the day, just like day 2. Occasionally I would need a bathroom break due to the lemonade and water I drank, but nothing inconvenient for any job. I weight myself on a scale, and realize that I lost 3 pounds in total already. The big loss in weight is most likely due to my large fat content in my body to start with. My body is still flabby since there is no muscle underneath.

With the dryness persisting on my skin, I have made the decision to terminate the master cleanse after day 4.

Master Cleanse Day 2

I woke up this morning with pain around the abdominal area -- sign of bowel movement. After a few turning and tossing in bed, I got up to the bathroom and let my colon do the job. Here goes another day of cleanse, and my excitement for the cleanse is gone. Because the salt water flushing from the day before was too much for me to handle, I reduced the portion size to 1/2 of recommended volume. By this time, I noticed dryness on my face -- a sign of dehydration from frequent bowel movement.

Surprisingly, I did not have the urge to eat anything. It's like I lost my appetite. I went on the whole morning without drinking any lemonade for calories, and drank only 4 cups in the afternoon. While I was wondering what happened to me and worry about signs of anorexia, I was pretty content with the rate that my body is burning fat. 

After work, I went for a shopping spree to diverge my attention from wanting to eat solid food again. Night time is when you have exhausted all of your mental power, so control on yourself is the hardest. I walked throughout Tysons Corner mall, tried on a couple dresses, and was VERY happy with the way my body looks now. I am in no way believe that I lost any weight by just doing 2 days of master cleanse, which once again confirm that body image is all subjective. 

I've only had 6 cups of liquid today, so I am more dehydrated than normal. I went to bed again after drinking laxative tea.

Master Cleanse Day 1

So I am starting on this Master Cleanse diet. It's a recommended 10 day diet to "detoxify" your body and lose weight. It consists of a salt water flush as breakfast, then a spicy lemonade drink that you can indulge yourself throughout the day, and end with a laxative tea right before you go to bed. It's summer, and I have a food baby, so I am getting an abortion.

My experience for the first day of the master cleanse is not pleasant. The salt water flush does not taste pleasant to the mouth. I have to drink water afterwards to make sure that I washed out the salt in my mouth. It takes about 30 minutes for the salt water to go through my system, and what I got was watery diarrhea. Throughout the day I drank 50oz of the lemonade while drooling over all of the solid food my coworkers were having. It was definitely torture, but I was able to hold it in.

As dinner time approaches, my urge to eat solid food, especially foods with strong tastes, such as steak, or lamb chop, intensifies. I have the urge to look at pictures of food, I went on Yelp and researched on restaurants that I want to try after I finished the master cleanse. After suppressing my desire to eat, I started looking for other things to do to diverge my attention from solid foods. I drank my laxative tea, and went to bed early.

Bubble Tea Recipe

There are different styles of bubble tea, each features a little twist in taste, level of bitterness, softness of bubbles within. It all depends on your preferences. Here is my own recipe for the classic hong-kong style bubble tea, you can try it and change the ratios of tea to milk according to your liking. Here we go:

Ingredients:

- half and half cream (you can replace with milk if you are going for low calorie)
- A bag of Lipton black tea
- honey
- instant bubbles (you can get those from Korean or Chinese supermarkets)

Recipe:

- boil water until it steams
- sip tea bag in water for 15 minutes
- mix half and half cream with black tea in a 1:1 ratio, throw in a few drops of honey, shake the mixture in a closed container like it's the end of the world to make milk tea
- cook instant bubbles according to given instruction (instant bubbles is normally nice and tender in 5 minutes in boiling water, to make bubbles sweeter, soak the bubbles in warm honey water)
- use strainer to strain out bubbles from liquid, then add into milk tea

Just a few things about relationships

I was recently talking to a friend about some of the most difficult things about relationships, and here is what we've concluded:

- You cannot control what the other person thinks or do, even if you told your partner to do so.
- Communication is essential, no matter how small or big the problem is.
- It is easy to let emotions cloud your judgement, especially if your connection with one another is strong.
- A good relationship takes patience from both parties, but never tolerance.
- Reliance is a common but detrimental thing.
- A successful, healthy relationship needs work on yourself, not on the other.
- There were always clues that indicated the doom of your relationship, you just chose to ignore it.
- Women fall in love and fall out of it really quickly-- after 2 month out of any relationship with no contact, you will be at least emotionally stable.
- Do whatever it makes you feel good.

My Log Theory - Materialism

There are times when I was heavily involved in getting luxury things in life. Blinded by my insecurities and lack of identities (although I still am to some degree), I only looked at brands. It was a period with no true happiness, a period when my mind is focused on physical things in front of me, also a period that my mind was focused on personal growth the least. Once my finance diminished, I went cold turkey. No more pretty clothing that looks unique and expensive, no more spas and nail treatments, no more bags and shoes with shiny stones. Looking in hindsight, I was glad I went back to normal. While it is true that obtaining things I've always wanted was temporaily satisfying, but in that point in time I was never as happy as I am right now - no money to spend, just wonderful people who understands me.

Even through a lot of people look at materialism as a leeway to show status, but it is more of a false facade of acted happiness. If you are in a state of mind that you look and drool over the nice cars and houses that people have, just know that the owner of those things might be so occupied with obtaining nicer things, that their mind have no time to spend to actually understand themselves and find true fulfillment in life.

Materialism is like a free floating log in an ocean that represents your true identity. If you cling on to it, you won't sink down to the bottom of the ocean. If you cling on to it long enough, you might even forget how to swim, and lose the ability to explore and discover yourself.

Del Frisco's in New York, New York

How many fancy, corporate level, over the top, traditional American restaurants are there in New York? Countless. Palm, Ruth's Chris, Cheesecake factory? Joking. You see men dressed up in suits, women in evening gowns, filled with artificial happiness and sense of entitlement. Call me insecure but I am not a fan of those places. I was unfortunate to be in one, and it happens to be Del Frisco's in New York. 

First of all, the location of this place is just gold. Located in the heart of major tourist destination and expensive office buildings, this place attracts lobbyists, investment bankers, and pretty people. You can argue that one of its more justifiable reason to charge sky high price for its food is the rental fee, which I deeply understand.

Inside of this restaurant is this dooming-yellowish-lighting-thing watching over us. I'm not sure why it is there, I don't like it. It's condescending floor to three-stories-tall ceiling windows certainly makes me feel like at home.

If you look outside the window, you see more cool office building architectures swimming in clouds of god-knows-what and kick-ass lighting effects. 

We ordered snow crabs. It was meh. I don't like snow crabs.

We ordered beef tartar. It was awesome. Crunchy bread, tender beef tartar mixed with just enough seasoning. Not too salty, not too light, just enough to be a good appetizer. 

This is what we went there for, the Wagyu long bone. It was the most expensive piece of meat I have ever had. And I certainly do not think that it is worth it. Yes that the texture of the steak is good, but I admit that I am not a steak pro, so that Wagyu tasted the same as my prime rib steak bought from Trader Joe's. However, this Wagyu does have complex layers of flavors on the outside that I am amazed to taste.

See that fancy service? I can feel that sense of entitlement just looking at this picture.

We also ordered lobster macaroni and cheese. It was meh. I don't like lobster. Oh and did I mention that they bring out over baked sizzling plates so it can keep your food warm? I burned my hand on it.

Pho 75 in Rosslyn, Virginia

This is one of those asian restaurants that avoids taxes by only accepting cash and no credit cards, but oh well if it is cheap, tasty, and offers large portions, we have no choice.

On a Sunday morning I woke up with an empty stomach and dry mouth. The number one thing that appeared in my brain to address my hunger issue is a large bowl of pho noodles that is filled with well boiled- msg filled beef broth, green onions, and random beef internal organs and briskets. Well, Pho 75 is the exact place to go in the DVM area. I have been to this place numerous times, but was not a single time disappointed. Yes their pho noodles are generic, but it can beat all the other pho noodle restaurants I have tried all over DC.

This bowl of goodness entails soft chewy rice noodles at the bottom, almost-done beef and green onions swimming on the surface of the soup, and broth that you cannot stop drinking because the glutamate just keeps on stimulating your happy nerves. It takes on average 10 minutes for me to finish one of these things - one of the most fulfilling 10 minutes of my life.

Perfecting friendships is a difficult thing

I was strolling among Barnes and Noble, checking out different new releases, interesting books, comics, and toys for kids. I came upon a book shelf of neatly printed copies of the same book: All the Single Ladies. It must be a new release, a hot sale on Amazon books, something that everyone is reading. I picked it up, judged its cover, its thickness, its font size, and paper used for print, then started reading its symaposis. As I was scanning, the keywords I picked up are: single moms, betrayal, kids problems, distant families, and friendship.

Friendship, an emotional connection thats so important and yet often times overlooked upon, is something that always seem mystical to me. Everyone's preception of the importance of friendship in their life is different. Based on your past, your interactions with people, your attitude, people's feedback of you, you see friendships with various degrees of appreciation. I was very bitter once, due to my lack of connections with people around me, I couldn't establish any meaningful, genuine friendships. I was very confused, saw befriending individuals as a skillset that I will never master. I never appreciated the notion of friendship until when I got to college, when I was surrounded by more like minded people -- people not coming from wealthy backgrounds, people with similar ethnic lineages, people trying to find their own accepted communities, etc. Then the idea of friendship came in my favor. After a few years of sweaking my ways of befriending, I believe that there is a few skills required in order for true friendships to form. They say most friendships are shallow and built on top of gain and cost, they also say that friendship is one of the most meaningful connections you can form. So far what I can conclude is that friendship partially replys on your attitude, degree of appreciation, ways of handle conflicts, and degree of understanding of yourself and others. Despite all that, it takes two to tango. If the person you are trying to befriend is someone who has no recognition of his or her surroundings, you would need a lot more work than you want to put in to form a true friendship that will gain you happy points in life.

Wrong doings

To admit your wrong doings and learn from them require courage; to admit your wrong doings and be indifferent signify irresponsibility.

Reading the fine print

I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to pay the majority of my attention to fine prints on receipt, emails, advertisements, etc. This is more of an adapted habit after a number of commercial traps I feel into. Originally it was a good thing to pay enormous amount of attention to fine print -- so that I do not get tricked again; know the limitations of a seemingly good deal; do not look like a fool when confronted otherwise, etc. However, sometimes reading of the smaller and lesser important font might not always be a good thing.

In a recent email from administrative assistant about weekly meetings going to be held, I opened the email thinking the meeting is going to be held at normal time. The first rough scan of email I immediately started reading the un-emphasized lines, completely ignoring the bolded, underlined, red fonts listing the re-corrected time and place of the meeting. Of course we all want to read what we want to read to constantly prove that we are right, I ignored the "instead of" from the email, and went ahead for the preparation with the original time. Only later after running frantically around the lab did my confused coworkers reassured me that the meeting was, indeed, at a different time. It was a definitely an awkward situation, and again I felt like a fool when confronted that I was wrong. So I just concluded that there is no right things in life. Would that be a little extreme?

StateFarm

There are times that I was clueless about some of the major companies that exist in today's society. Apparently there is a major auto insurance company called StateFarm. The first time I came to its exposure is when I was conversing with one of my ex-roommates whom I did not get along with. From my perspective, she was cranky, self-absorbed, passive-agressive, etc. I'm sure from her perspective I was the same. Flash back to the beginning of a fun summer break after a hard working college year, I was asking her about her summer plans out of curiosity. And the conversation goes like this:

"Are you doing anything for the summer?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna work for StateFarm."

"Oh cool, what kind of work are you going to do?"

"Just some filing and organization."

"Oh cool, so what kind of vegetables do you guys grow?"

And I never heard from her again. For a while I was confused as to her lack of response, only later I was so curious to look up online of what kind of vegetables do StateFarm grow. Indeed, they don't grow any vegetables, nor any animals of that sort. Thinking back to the currently situation, I wasn't sure if she took it as my attempt to disrespect her or if she through it was just plain cluelessness.

Bistro Francais in Georgetown, Washington D.C.

Among the crowded but gradually declining M street long sits this classic authentic French restaurant, Bistro Francais. I have been to this restaurant a couple of times, mostly due to finding emergency food after a tiring shopping streak, or the foodie frantic restaurant week. Both times I had a peaceful, yet non-significant dinner. 

Seasonal Vegetable Soup was okay. I usually prefer soup that is a little clearer, and more broth-like. So instead of creamy and cloudy soup that is filled with many different ingredients, I normally go for the broth that is simple. Therefore due to my unique preference in soups, I would only give this soup an okay.

Minute Steak Maitre d’Hôtel: Bistro style sirloin steak topped with parsley butter & french fries. This was a great dish. The beef steaks were not grilled too much to be considered a kebab, which is something that I often wonder. The tomatoes were flavorful and juicy, onions were under grilled and spicy. Beef steaks were also on the rare side and juicy.

gbAMSA Clinical Fellow Panel design

I didn't try very hard this time. There are two versions for this flyer. I personally really like the second one, but the first would do the job to catch the eyes of the general public.

WiseguyNY Pizza in Chinatown, Washington D.C.

Wiseguy NY Pizza located at the edge of Chinatown is a place I came upon when I was on the craving for good pizza. Coming from NYC, good pizza that matches the standard of a snobby New Yorker is hard to find in DC. My company and I eventually decided to go for a try at this place after seeking the overwhelming positive reviews created by happy pizza lovers on yelp. The place is filled with classy hippy old money hipster vibe, with limited amount of seating area, and decent music volume.

You can order their pizza by slices or whole. We grabbed a quick bite hence got a couple slices with different toppings. Their pizza is delicious, no doubt. They are similar to NY pizza, but not exactly the same. 

I ordered a only cheese pizza and a slice of mushroom pizza without pizza sauce on top. On the side was a small bowl of fresh motz salad with fresh mozzarella, cherry tomatoes, basil in light Italian dressing and a piece of garlic bread on top. I have had the best tomato salad and the best garlic bread of my life here. Nothing I have tried beats that small  bowl of red, yellow, and green goodies. The garlic bread is buttery, soft, and fresh. They showed me what amazing a freshly baked garlic bread can be. This place is my current new favorite pizza go-to place.

Hannya in Miami, Florida

Sushi! was not always the first type of food I think of when I am starving. I visited this restaurant when I was on the crave for Ikura, or sushi with salmon roe on top. There isn't a lot of good Japanese restaurants around south beach Miami, but the quality of raw seafood served in Hannya was definitely much better than some of the fish I have had in D.C. or Maryland.

I stopped by this restaurant during lunch time, at a time where this little corner area wasn't welcomed by many customers. Exposed bricked walls and wave-like lighting adds more of a rustic rather than zen-like feel to the surrounding, fitting right into the culture of materialized Miami.

Thai Ice Tea with milk was authentically American. Yummy.

Gyoza was deeply fried with pork and vegetable fillings inside. It was crispy and warm. Perfect for my acid-filled stomach as an appetizer. The prices for their appetizers are fairly reasonable, and it seems like Hannya does pay attention to the presentation of their dishes.

I ordered Ikura sushi thanks to my sudden craving for salmon roe and the freshness of their fish, I had my best time in Miami with these rolled up pieces of sushi. Crispy seaweed combined with fairly large load of salmon roe. I first consume half of the salmon roe as appetizers. Pop the eggs in my mouth, taste the saltiness and the smoothness of its membrane. Then I consume the whole sushi with about 5 salmon roe eggs left on top for the perfect degree of salt to rice pairing. Absolutely delicious!

By the time I finished those sushi I was too full to get to the vegetable Udon Stir-Fry. I packed it home to enjoy it later. The udon was still chewy and delicious after 2 hours, and bak-choy was fresh, crisp, and sweet. Mushrooms, even through it is canned, is still flavorful. This dish did not disappoint me, I would definitely go back again the next time I'm in Miami.

Season 52 in Rockville, Maryland

Season 52 is a chain restaurant that specializes in dishes below 500 calories and fine dining. How exactly did they determine the calories of their dishes, I do not know. After I have heard about the limited calories, I tried imaging burning up the food in a calorimeter, but seems like a lot of work for chain that alternates different menu on a weekly basis. 

Not only with bar and booth setting, they have a very nice Californian style wine room/cabinet behind the warm fireplace featuring a larger than normal list of wines. How cozy.

Ahi Tuna Tartare: layered with wasabi-avocado mousse, tropical salsa, Hawaiian sea salt crisps. I forgot the snap a picture of the Hawaiian sea salt crisps, but I have to say the sea salt crisps was quite disappointing. It was no more than crackers strangled with large amount of black salt crystals -- very salty. Other than that, the layered avocado with tuna tartare was delicious. Fresh tuna combined with mashed avocado reminds me of a healthy meal.

Caramelized Grilled Sea Scallops: Creamy lemon risotto, Baby broccoli, roasted asparagus. I am not a fan of the creamy lemon risotto, and the sea scallops were bad quality with large amount of seasoning. With that said, the steamed baby broccoli was great with the risotto. I would not order this dish again due to the bad quality of sea scallops served.

Cucumbers in Chili Oil Mix

This recipe was created by an inspiration or a knockoff from one of the dishes I tried in a Chinese restaurant called Panda Gourmet. It quickly became one of my favorite dish, hence my desire to reproduce it in my own time. There is nothing hard about the cucumber itself. The success of this dish really solely depends on the sauce.

Ingredients:

5 tablespoons of Soy sauce

3 tablespoons of Olive Oil

1 tablespoon of Chili Oil

1 tablespoon of Red pepper flakes

1 clove of Garlic

2 Cucumbers

Instruction:

Get rid of skin on cucumbers and cut it to bite size. Leave the cucumbers in a bowl size good for tossing. Peel off skin on garlic, dice it up. In a skillet, pour in olive oil and diced garlic, heat on high heat until oil starts to sizzle. Throw in red pepper flakes and soy sauce, let heat for 1 minute on medium. Turn off heat, pour mixture onto cucumber. Pour Chili oil onto cucumber as well. Toss well and serve.

Restaurant Week at District Chophouse & Brewery, Washington D.C.

A fancy bar/traditional American restaurant is what this place reminds me of. In a way I find it comparable to Woodmont Grill in Bethesda, in a way District Chophouse isn't as snobby as the ladder. The first impression after I walked into the restaurant was even a bit loud and chaotic, which surprised me since I have heard this restaurant to be a higher scaled restaurant for people that are more established. With people talking in loud voices and trying to over power one another, I find the atmosphere of this place uncomfortable.

The restaurant week menu features a number of the most favored dishes. I went for the BBQ shrimp, New York Strip with Mushrooms, and strawberry glazed cheesecake.

Their complimentary corn bread was quite unusual, since most other restaurants go for oven baked French bread with less sugar and butter. However, the butter does not go well with the already butter-drenched corn bread.

BBQ shrimp, even through it is hard to see from this image, is neatly positioned on a piece of hard French bread. It was delicious. The BBQ shrimp was tender, seasoning was just right, and the sauce was all absorbed by the hard bread, all making this a fantastic dish.

I like my steak rare, so I asked for the New York Strip a bit under cooked. The sautéed caned mushrooms were nothing impressive. And it seems like the chef forgot to season the steak with any salt and pepper. I did not like the steak. Not only with the lack of flavor, I also question the quality of meat itself.

Cheesecake was almost as enjoyable as the BBQ shrimp. The cake was sweet but not too sweet. The strawberry glaze was just extra icing on the cake adding fruity flavors to the well-made original cheesecake.

I would not go back to this restaurant again for their main meal, but the BBQ shrimp and the cheesecake was something that made my experience at District Chophouse better.

Vanilla and Chocolate Cake with Cream Cheese Icing and Grape Jelly

I have always wanted to make a finer, more complicated cake as dessert, so there I go:

Vanilla cake base

Ingredients:

3 eggs

1.5 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1 cup of butter

1 cup of powdered sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 cup of all purpose flour

Preheat over to 350F, grease pan of choice. Mix melted butter, sugar, and eggs together first, then add baking powder, salt, and purpose flour. After it turns into homogeneous mixture, add vanilla extract. Pour mixture into greased pan and place in oven for 30 minutes. Take a tooth pick, stick into the raised cake base. If the bottom of tooth pick appear liquid-like, place cake base back into oven and bake for 5-10 minutes.

Chocolate cake base

I used Hershey's Kitchen's "Perfectly Chocolate" recipe.

Cream Cheese Icing

Ingredients:

8 tablespoon of butter

1 1/2 cups of powdered sugar

4 oz cream cheese

3 drops of lemon juice

3 drops of vanilla extract

Do not melt butter prior to mixing, melting butter will ruin the texture of icing. In a pan, mix butter, powdered sugar, and cream cheese until mixture turned smooth and creamy. If mixture seem to hard to mix, leave mixture in room temperature for a longer period of time for it to turn softer. Finally, add lemon juice and vanilla extract and mix well.

To make the cake in picture above

Ingredients:

All of the above plus commercially available grape jelly

Cut chocolate cake base and vanilla cake base into small squares of desire size. Stack alternating layers one on top of another, add grape jelly in between layers for stabilizing and taste. With some extra cream cheese icing, coat them outside of cake until the entirety are covered with icing. If you want, you can create different patterns with forks or spoons. The patterns of icing shown in picture are created by the tip of a small fork. Lastly, for appearance, dap some grape jelly on the plate around the cake. Depending on the size of the cake you want to make, you are going to have some extra. With those, you can make another cake just like these, or you can use it for other purposes.

Uber vs. Lyft

I have been a long time customer of Uber, and only a short time customer of Lyft. This is mainly due to the amount of exposure I have towards Uber and only a recent acknowledgement about Lyft. Due to my fear of Uber taking over its major competitor and dominate the world with its high priced cab fare, I decided to Lyft a try. After a few weeks of experiments, I do not really notice any difference between the two services since it is the driver to rider interaction that really makes a major impact. However, in terms of user interface with the phone app, Uber definitely wins the race. Uber has a GPS system that gives you real time updates on where your ride is, while Lyft has a still icon of the cab's location at the time the app appears on your phone screen. When your phone connection is low, Lyft fails to update. Instead of confirming that your ride is on the way, it makes the user feel like they have been abandoned by the drivers. Lyft offers a tipping at the end of the trip, while Uber does not. Different people might feel differently about this option, but I like to give my driver a little extra if I had a really good riding experience.

In terms of better or worse driving for Uber vs. Lyft? This is what I have heard. Uber and Lyft both take 20% of what you make from each ride you offer. Uber take an additional dollar from each ride you get through their service, while Lyft does not. Uber and Lyft both give you 1099s. You get taxed on the full amount of money you make including the 20% taken by Uber, while Lyft subtracted that 20% from your taxable income. While it seems that you make more money working for Lyft than Uber, Uber is definitely more popular than Lyft outside of San Francisco, thanks to all the scandals created by the questionable doings of Uber to state regulatory departments.

West Wing Cafe & Bakery in Rockville, Maryland

This small corner cafe was definitely a hidden gem among many in Rockville. West Wing Cafe & Bakery is located right next a governmental institute, hence a very popular among people who are taking a break from work during lunch. They are super busy during breakfast and lunch time, but not so much during dinner. The area is a nice small cafe style indoor seating with bar seats towards the windows and seating outside in the summer.

Their featured sandwiches are absolutely phenomenal for their price. The subs from the grill are equally as delicious. Most of the time when I was there, I go for their panini, which is something I can go back over and over again for.

Philly Cheese Steak

Panini #5: Turkey, provolone cheese, crispy bacon, tomato roasted red pepper & russian dressing

Panini #9: Cajun chicken, lettuce, tomato, avocado & Basil pesto